Style Training With Ursula K. Le Guin, Exercise.2: Am I Saramago {2nd attempt}

My 2nd Attempt At this Challenging Stylistic Exercise. Please, do tell me how I did this time around!

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Poem by Issa Dioume: ‘Tumor, tu meurs’ {Experimental, Bilingual Piece}

Tumor, tu meurs Like budding petals of a fleur. Tumor, tu meurs Like a languidly beating Coeur. Tumor... Tu meurs Like the mots of passants. Tu meurs, tumor Like the life of mes parents. Tumor, je meurs So be it, il était temps. Tu meurs, ils pleurent These are the tears des enfants. Tôt le…