‘They’ say the bottom of the bottle is always dry, but don’t ‘they’ also say: it’s not about the end but about the journey.
My emotions run dry as I reach the bottom.
So come here! Come join me on MY journey of self-destruction! I promise to keep you entertained all the way down to the last drop of delicious details of my downtrodden life. Watch me swim like a dolphin in a bottle, to the bottom of the sea only to crash and splatter all over the glass.
I know where I am going, swimming to the deepest and lowest part of the self slowly tearing apart the rest throughout my self-destructive thoughts and attitude.
Life to me has always felt like being subjected to something. When I was born, I was subjected to life. My parents gave me life but by soon so also offered me the sweetest gift of death. I would have never known this gift were it not for the life they gave me. What a selfish thing to do! Give life! You killed me mom, you killed me dad. And now as a grown man I sit on stool at a bar as the stool grows roots and sucks away my will.
You call me an embarrassment. Ha! It is you who is the embarrassment, so distraught with the idea that this ‘thing’ was contrived from the mixing of your DNAs. I craved attention and love but got nothing but things. I do not want things. Things may be worth something to my image by things are worthless to the soul and my soul is the poorest there is. Dragging itself from one day to another only by the assistance of alcohol. All holding by a thread. Take that a way and all link disappears.
Enjoy the spectacle, enjoy seeing this absurd man rowing a boat in brandy up a mountain and wanting to touch the sky. Absurd it may be but to me it means something. It means not giving up. Not letting life win. It’s my beautiful vengeance. Giving a spectacle for all to admire. Bearing my all, bare naked soul out in the open and vulnerable. Not plagued by the same disease as the fakers and bluffers I cross everyday.
The other day I went up to a crossroad trying to sell my soul for what it may be worth. I wanted the bliss of ignorance in exchange. However as I presented my soul he laughed at me pitifully knowing full well he would see me seen anyway.
Numbing and drowning the screams of my consciousness is the best solution now. Liquor is my love. Liquor is my self. An Intoxicated mess.
A dolphin in a bottle swimming downstream to the bottom of the sweet sweet liquor. Lost in a daze, veils of sorrow grief and pain. Waiting for the end to come at the twilight of my high.